There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene

He was not my son, this beautiful boy will now remain forever 20 years old. When Fisseha ran, he was Peter Pan, who knew how to fly.” He was a greyhound, flashing over the ground out of its deepest nature and joy. He was a painter dipping a brush into oil paints. When he ran, he was a ballet dancer alone in a studio, whirling. In “The Flying Son,” she wrote of him, “When Fisseha ran, ambition fell away. She wrote a number of times about Sol, including in 2004 about his amazing athletic abilities evinced just one day after his arrival at 10 years old in the United States. My impression of her when we first talked and since then is that she is a smart, talented, warm person with a fierce devotion to her family. More recently Melissa wrote “No Biking in the House Without a Helmet.” I may have had one conversation with Melissa since that first one some 15 years ago. Melissa has written several powerful books, including “ There is No Me Without You,” about an Ethiopian woman who took in AIDS-orphaned children. They went on to adopt a total of 5 children, 4 of whom were from Ethiopia. Melissa and her husband had 4 children at that time, and were in the midst of adopting a son from Bulgaria.

I met Melissa via phone in 1999 or maybe 2000, when she interviewed me for an article she was writing about Dr. Out of the total group, which included adoptees and biological children, 56 had attempted suicide 47 of those were adoptees. Not lightweight stuff, and even more startling in that the mean age of the 1000 participants was about 14. It’s here in Pediatrics, the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Here is a cynical but factual comment I read recently: Adoption and suicide are both permanent solutions to temporary situations.There is sobering research that says that adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide. They occasionally stumble, but most adoptees, like the rest of us, live out their lives without despair. A few who struggle in the night, with painful memories, gnawing fears, and desperate desires to please others, to fill gaps, to know truths, and to trust that life won’t again fall apart. Most succeed mightily in light of day, overcoming hard pasts, interweaving two distinct realities of Life Then and Life Now. He was not my son, but I see the spirit of the vibrant, living Sol Samuel in many Ethiopian and other adoptees that I know and love. He was an amazing athlete, gifted at soccer, a handsome young man with a warm smile and loads of friends. Fisseha became Sol Samuel, one of 9 children in a loving, active family. Born in Jimma, Ethiopia, in 1994, Fisseha was adopted 10 years ago by the writer Melissa Fay Greene and her husband Don Samuel. He was not my son, but I see Sol Samuel in many people that I love.

There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene